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Anyone so concerned with presenting as masculine at every possible turn is immediately sus as being closeted to me. Just eat the damn banana like a human. Or like a monkey, which is what I do. I peel it from the bottom.
And as a gay person, any time someone says being gay is a choice, it screams to me that they are at least bi and suppressing those urges and impulses.
Some monkeys eat it from the side, with the peel. But that might be too manly for them lol
Perhaps those are woman monkeys.
Right? Like there's one category of people that could make a choice. Pretty suspicious that this self-evident thing people can figure out about themselves is somehow a big gray area to that kind of conservative.
real men don’t have time to waste peeling bananas. you either smash it on your forehead and eat the nutrients as they slide down, or you eat the whole thing in one bite.
Deep throat that banana whole like a real man. Yaaaas. What that throat do?
that’s the spirit
Cool so which end of the banana are we calling the bottom here? 🤔
The part opposite from the point at which it attached to the bunch.
Pinch the bottom, opens easily. Try snapping open the top and you get at best a smooshed tip at worst, at worst, it just doesn't open.
You mean the part that's literally at the top?
Yes, I guess in that sense, sure. But that's not how you hang it and that's not how they usually show you how to peel it.
But kudos for catching me on my lack of banana growth habits.
Have an upvote!
This is probably in "is a hotdog a sandwich" territory so that was mostly for laughs.
The unambiguous term is "blossom end" because that's where the flower attaches, but probably not helpful for most people. Small end? Uncut end?
I like the term blossom end. Its kind of a universal point of reference you can use for any fruit.
Conservative masculinity:
I wish being gay was a choice. I'd choose to be bi if I could. Most of the queer people I know I like better than most of the straight people.
Honestly the fact that anybody is attracted to men proves sexuality is not a choice
In a room full of republicans, proper practice would be to first loudly yell that you hate bananas, then to sneak a banana into the bathroom and deep throat it while crying and then go back into the room and accuse someone else of deepthroating bananas in the bathroom.
I want this sketch as a tiktok.
Maybe I can feed it into midjourney.
I miss the larry craig days when a wide stance in the public bathroom would get them to resign in shame
Know a guy who refuses to eat cheese hotdogs and other similar food because he hates "food that nuts in my mouth"
Must be a hard life being so staunchly anti-phallus
"You know how many foods are dick-shaped? The best kind!"
I always loved that he asked him if he knew how many and then didn’t even provide an estimate in his haste.
All of them if you try hard enough
Protecting his heterosexuality at all costs. If a single phallus shaped food breaches his mouth he might lose control and turn gay.
Like JD Vance, he may be tricked into thinking he's gay when, in reality, he's totally straight. All straight people accidentally think they're gay sometimes, right?
Sounds like he has some feelings to explore.
In home ec class in middle school we watched a food network video about making stuffed hotdogs where they took a straw and cored a hotdog out and then filled it with white, melted cheese from a piping bag. They squeezed too hard and it jetted out the other end and the camera was perfectly positioned to catch the hotdog's thick ropes. Then they played it back in slo motion. The class was very amused.
Aww that's my favorite kind
Yeah, this guy really not eating gushers? Or ravioli?
With cheese wieners he has a point. Do like scalding your mouth with cheese hotter than the devils pecker?!
Cheddar brats are bomb though.
"hates"
Worked with a guy who wouldnt eat a hotdog without cutting it up. Pretty sure he was closeted
At some point you'd hope they'd notice that these "workarounds" are more blatantly obvious than the thing they're embarrassed by.
And yet they’re knocking back shots of cum?
Yeah, try be fucking efficient for once
Eat it like corn, bonus points if you use the little spiked holders
If its pudding, use your fingers though.
Jeepers, I thought Id scrubbed that memory.
For extra manliness use someone else's fingers.
Anyone starts making homophobic noises at you eating a banana, ask them to unlock their phone so you can see if they've got Grindr installed.
Is there a dollar tree variant of grindr that we could use to enhance these references further
There is no inoffensive way to eat a banana in a room full of Republicans.
Bananas are vegan.
See I originally thought this was about how girls can't eat bananas in front of guys cause guys make it sexual.
It is, but it's also accusing the guys who sexualize eating bananas of being conservatives in general. Both interpretations are completely valid.
Arguably being spoon fed would be worse for their fragile masculinity. What kind of man gets spoon fed?
The most manly way to eat a banana is to open it on the side and eat it out.
Go on...