this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2024
876 points (99.1% liked)

Microblog Memes

5375 readers
4878 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
all 49 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 100 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (5 children)

I am vacationing in Florida and a few days ago this guy swam up the drain and into the bowl.

There's no reason why a snake could not do that.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 months ago

Yeah but it's Florida, not a civilized place.

Cute toilet freg though.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Happy cake day!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Forget the racism and the bigotry and Ron DeSantis and the humidity and the palmetto bugs...

For this reason alone, I am never going back to Florida.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

My real question is "did the chemicals in the toilet water make that frog gay or not?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

I have lived in Florida 90% of my life. I have never had a frog swim up the toilet pipe or even ever seen a frog in a toilet. How does that even happen?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Squee hes adorable

[–] [email protected] 83 points 3 months ago (2 children)

If you are worried about late marriage you can easily avoid it by going straight to cats and a manfree lifestyle.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Cool, but to make room for the cats I had to flush all my snakes down the toilet. Am I doing this right?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Oh shit, flush the snakes?? Not the husband??

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't see the contradiction.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Lolololol, good point!!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Worst thing for women's friendships is marriage. Stick with your fellow ladies. Live in a big house together and embrace the sorority lifestyle. Reject the Patriarchy, abandon legal monogamy, and embrace Amazonian thought.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

This sounds awesome. Can I become an honorary woman so I can get in on this? I come with a 100% little brother vibes guarantee.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Yes, little brother vibes are good vibes. 👍

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Please 🥺

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago (2 children)

What does 'late marriage' mean? Like getting married when you're older?

[–] [email protected] 66 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Doing it at like 8pm. By the time it's over and you're done with the reception it's too late to hop a plane and go on a honeymoon.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

OMG yeah, what a nightmare. I hate getting married after 8pm. It's so inconvenient.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Why wouldn’t someone want to get married late? Like, they’re too old to have kids? If they wanted to kids wouldn’t they get married sooner? Or adopt any time? I think person is just talking about themselves.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago (2 children)

New bottom surgery just dropped!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Anyone have any tips on how to un-read a comment?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Come on I write way more unhinged shit >:3

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

This could save Americans millions in health care costs!!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago

Well, nickname checks out, I guess

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

Kid on my street got bit on the ass while peeing in the woods and died. Valid fear.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Guy, had a similar fear all growing up too, except that I was afraid it’d bite my butthole (no idea why there, but whatever), not sure how I ever got over it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Let me know if you ever remember how

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don't call your future partner "it"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Unless you want a cool nonbinary objectkin partner

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Sure, to each their own

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

Spiders swarming out of the toilet and killing me has been in the back of my mind ever since I saw Arachnophobia as a kid.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I saw a horror movie as a kid where a guy was killed by something (snake, maybe) when sitting on the toilet. It made me very anxious when using a toilet for a long time. I think the movie was dreamcatcher based on the Stephen king book but I was only 6-7 when I saw that part so I could be completely wrong.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (2 children)

You're remembering correctly. That's how the first character dies in Dreamcatcher. Stephen King was recovering from a car accident and was on oxy when he wrote the book if that helps explain anything.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

"Car accident" is putting it mildly. He was walking down the road and a van slammed into him at full speed. He apparently went completely over the van and into a ditch. It's amazing he's still alive.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Thanks. With being so young when I saw the scene I wasn't sure if I just imagined parts of it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Only a hidden snake? What if they weren't hiding?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's just Ralph the Toilet Snake.

He guards the knife.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I have a toilet snake. You can buy those at any hardware store y'know.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

If the snake wasn't hiding and she saw it, then she was asking for it when she sat down.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I blame Ghoulies especially because of the cover.

Honestly thought it was a Gremlins movie cover until now, but man if seeing that in the video store aisle didn't make me slam the lid on the toilet and run out and slam the bathroom door as fast as I could for several years...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

This movie scene had me double checking the toilet before sitting down for at least a decade.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

The rat in the toilet in Raymond Briggs' When the Wind Blows freaked me out for years afterward and I still occasionally get a little freaked out about it.

Bathrooms make me anxious enough in general as it is.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Easy, just don't be holding the bad-luck teddy bear while your friends are scamming a magic bank out of some magic batteries.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

I'd rather the snake.