this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2024
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I have Asperger's, so it's a big struggle for me in general.
A few days ago, I spent £89.99 on a three month subscription to Hinge X. This is something I've been contemplating for a while because I'm a 32-year-old virgin, have been single for the past two years (my previous ex basically led me on and used me for my money in what I can best describe as a 2.5 year on/off intimacy-free relationship), and I thought that in desperate enough to actually pay for a dating app.
Lo and behold, after sending well over a hundred likes with written prompts which I put genuine thought into, no new matches. And I've been keeping a mostly intricate log of this shit because if you're blowing the equivalent of 3 WoW subscriptions on a rejection simulator, you may as well keep tabs on whether it works.
I'm about 80% convinced that I either overwhelmingly give women the ick, or Hinge is a scam.
My social life is only a bit better. Work is quite solitary for me, and I mainly hang out with a friend group on Thursday evenings and weekends that do pub karaoke.
You might be weird af, but all these apps are scrams bro. Don't let them destroy your self esteem. Their business is not to get you laid, it's to get you to pay, and you already did.
A couple of years ago i would say that a month of tinder gold or whatever isn't the worst idea ever. Right now it totally is. It still probably maybe helps, but it's just not worth the money. You can swipe more and get seen more and that might still be true, but your subscription doesn't change the fact that the women you like get thousands of likes and you just go under or are lucky as fuck. If i were you i would shoot my shot at karaoke, and just do dating apps on the side.
And for the love of god keep your money in your pockets. If someone likes you, you literally never have to spend money on them (you can and maybe should, but you are not an atm.) If someone insists that you have to pay for shit because you are the man, just hoof it, it's never ever worth it.
I think it's more like the online dating space has been enshittified by one company buying out most of its competition and then jacking up prices. Hinge are owned by Match Group, who also own Match.com, Tinder, POF, Okcupid, The League and a few others. All of these are now overglorified Tinder clones that adopted the same 'swipe left/right to match' formula.
Also I suspect there may be some kind of shadowban on my account. Apparently this is a thing frequently mentioned on /r/SwipeHelper, /r/HingeApp and /r/OnlineDating, and the only way people have gotten past it is fully deleting their accounts, waiting a few months and then registering afresh. If that is the case and my profile is being obfuscated for whatever reason (maybe because I recently reactivated it after going dormant), then that would make Hinge X blatant false advertising.
I mean... I would, but I don't really approach women that I find attractive (mainly fear of rejection, or worse, or I know for a fact that they're not single), and the only attention I seem to get is from gay guys and the occasional lady old enough to be my grandma. As I'm not into either, it can make me uncomfortable at times.
The main group chat I'm in mainly consists of middle-aged men and women. I'm also friends with two DJs who host evenings at various pubs which I often attend. Some of our regulars either already are professional singers, or have the talent to be.
I wouldn't exactly say I'm a good singer and when people say I've got a good voice, I feel like they're either being nice, or they're drunk and easily impressed. I've definitely improved compared to when I first started doing this, to the point where I don't quite hate the sound of my own voice anymore and there are some go-to songs that I can sing somewhat well. I really do want to take professional singing lessons and improve my voice to the point where I could be like a siren. Maybe that would have been a better investment than a dating app.
Probably the best compliment I got was when I went to a Central Bristol pub for a Christmas karaoke eve. The place was packed and about half the pub was cordoned off for a pre-booked work Christmas party. I sung Poison Arrow by ABC (one of my go-to songs) and on a part of the second verse which I legitimately belted out loudly, I audibly heard one of the guys in the work crowd go "Fuck me..." in astonishment. I left that place soon after, both because they were inundated with requests, and to get away from an Aussie lady who I met previously, she was living in a homeless shelter and was spending her eves scrounging off other guys in that place.