CW: transphobia-lite(?)
She's so caught up in my "case" being such an outlier that there must be "something else" going on. She says she never noticed anything in me as a child that would point to gender dysphoria, and that since I was a fairly strong-willed child I would have let someone know. She's also linked to reputable-seeming studies about mean age of first experiencing gender dysphoria in trans youth, which peg it around 4-7 years old.
And she's right. I never had any gender dysphoria as a child, not really, and I still don't even see myself as a "girl stuck in a guy's body". I consider myself a guy who wants to become a girl, not because being a guy is so horrible, but because being a girl seems very nice.
My therapist tells me this is valid, that people have their different experiences of being trans, but my mom is so caught up in this data she's found.
Another thing—she's adamantly against me doing HRT due to the risks of estrogen and trauma from her breast cancer. I've since found data claiming that breast cancer risk in trans women on HRT is higher than for cis men, but lower than cis women, so unless she thinks my sister ought to take estrogen blockers there's no reasonable worry there.
All this culminates in her saying that she can't bear to live with me if I choose to go on HRT. She's not kicking me out, but she wants us to live separately. Problem is we're both jobless which makes getting approved for two new apartments difficult.
Needless to say this all sucks. Before I broached the topic last year I never would have expected this kind of reaction from her. I just don't see why it has to be such a scary thing for her. Every time I try to talk to her about it I'm filled with the doubt that radiates from her in waves. I do want to move out on my own but financially it's not the best move.
Idk what I'm asking for here. Data or anecdotes about realizing you're trans later in life would be nice? Warm fuzzy feelings from internet people? I dunno
That's one of her points actually, that my sister is can't use estrogen based birth control due to the risks it presents so I shouldn't take estrogen either. But since my risk would be even lower than my sister's is without supplemental estrogen, and my mom isn't raising hell to get my sister to rid all estrogen from her system, I don't see it as too much of a valid concern
Is this because of family history of genes that increase risk of breast/ovarian/uterine cancer like BRCA 1 and 2?
Because if so I probably would get specialist advice there before taking HRT (if possible and affordable to do so), because estrogen linked cancers are made much likelier by HRT in cis or trans woman. If it's a more nebulous family history it's probably less of an issue.
Either way there'd be no reason not to start with some sort of testosterone blocker (or something mild like a DHT blocker like finasteride).
She hasn't said anything about genes to my knowledge, but definitely made a point to link estrogen to breast cancer. That's why I'd like to talk to people at a clinic and at least figure out what's up with that
So there are cancers that are made more likely by hormones.
Prostate cancer risk is raised due to testosterone (it grows the prostate in size and makes it's more likely for it's cells to become cancerous). Even though trans women can have prostates those on HRT and testosterone blockers have drastically lower risks of prostate cancer. So it's normal that men have a higher risk of prostate cancer (this also includes trans men as there is some studies that show long term use of testoerone can actually lead to development of prostatic cells that can in turn eventually become cancerous, though the risk is certainly lower).
Breast (and ovarian and uterine) are increased by estrogen as they do similar things. Having an increased risk of breast cancer compared to men is just a normal part of being a woman cis or trans. Just as having a lower risk of breast cancer is normal for men cis or trans, (as trans men will often have mastectomy and have less estrogen).
This is isn't really a side effect of estrogen in trans women as just it's biological effect in living organism.
However there are some really nasty specific gene mutations such as BRCA 1 and 2 (and others) that drastically increase risk of estrogen related cancer (in everyone, man or woman, cis or trans). So much that cis women will consider having preventative mastectomy and hysterectomy (and go through early menopause) because their risk of cancer is so high. Cis men with these genes also have increase risk and are advice regular breast checks and scans (normally not required by cis men). HRT is generally not recommended for carriers of these genes because of the risks. Even local/topical stuff like estrogen pessaries are not recommended.
If something like this was in your family you would probably know. But talking to a clinic wouldn't hurt (if possible).