this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2024
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[–] [email protected] 58 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I'm 42 and have known since I was 4 years old that I never wanted to be a mother. It's seriously one of my earliest memories - I didn't want to make my bed, my mother was exasperated with me and said "you'll be sad you treated me so badly when you have kids of your own"... and I remember being just appalled at the thought of being a parent.

I just don't enjoy children. I like peace, quiet, and order, and the freedom to do what I want without having to factor in children. Plus it looks super stressful to be a parent. I have 2 nephews and a niece, and while they're good kids, their parents always look so utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. And I'm definitely not good at being an aunt - interacting with children just doesn't come naturally to me.

Everyone told me I'd grow out of it. I had to fight to get my tubes tied in my mid-twenties (for real, I had to see so many doctors and had a botched Essure procedure at Planned Parenthood before I finally found an OBGYN who would take me seriously!).

No ~~regrets~~ rugrats!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

I swore against having kids-for lots of reasons-, same as my wife. But accidents happened and we became parents. As the cliche goes "it is life changing".

It alters who you are and your idea of importance. There was stress, and exhausting times, but now they are adults they are my favourite people :)

It is a threshold moment situation, if you like your life how it is never have kids. If you have kids your life becomes different. No path is better than the other; just altered.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

If there's one thing childfree people love, it's how there is always a parent ready to reply about how rewarding kids are.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

I hear ya, but I don't mind - it's a discussion thread, after all! - and it's interesting to see a different perspective than my own.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

That's very generous of you. In my experience, the perspective I replied to is the one that is most prevalent and you can't mention being happy without kids without somebody chiming in to say or imply how happy you would be if you had them. It gets really old.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Understood, that used to bother me too. After a while people realized I was firm and laid off. Other than a few occasional passive-aggressive comments from my mom about how she doesn't have grandchildren, nobody really says anything anymore.

Edit: whoops, that posted 3 times!

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

It's not such a binary thing. For example, you can obtain some, hodl for a bit, and later return them for a profit. It's basically like the stock market, except people refer to the money you get as a "ransom" rather than a "profit" for some reason. What many people outside the industry don't know is that it doesn't officially become a crime until police get involved. So just insist on "No police!" in your sales calls. /s

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

If my life were financially more secure and if the climate didn’t seem objectively fucked in the future I could imagine myself being a happy father of kids

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah man, this is it. I like freedom and disposable income. But I feel like it would be rewarding raising kids. But also it's sentencing them to whatever fucked up reality the last few generations have pushed us towards.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Kids for me. They have improved my life more than anything else. Having the first two pushed me to go back to school and get a real job. I got more when my ex & I split and I married a guy with kids; we have a staggering number between us, most were teens or older when we got together and they are all close now, so they have a network of family to help and socialize with. The youngest is almost done with high school so we are in the final stretch of having them at home. The Thanksgiving feast here is insane, so many people, chaotic and fun.

Now - having said all that, I always knew I wanted kids, not necessarily to birth them but to raise them. Babies are adorable , little kids blistering cute, teenagers so much fun and occasionally helpful, and then they grow up and are actual people. It is work I find fulfilling and it helps the world to have educated, sensible, open-minded people. Most of my kids don't want kids themselves and that's fine! Everyone has their own life to live.

So for me, kids. For you, whatever you want, I don't think it's essential to become an adult and don't think it's the only way to get a family either.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago

I never want kids. I don't know how they're going to take the news.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago

I'm in my mid 40s now but I knew even when I was a kid that I never wanted kids. I see my friends and family now struggling with their own children and I just cannot imagine that life for me. I have no regrets not having kids, but if I ever did, I know it's better to regret NOT having them than to regret having them.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm in my 40s now and never liked children, even when I was one myself. So to me the decision not to procreate came very natural and has never changed. I was so certain that I never wanted any kids that I got myself sterilized when I was 25 or 26, don't remember exactly. Just to be certain I couldn't be trapped by some oopsie. Didn't regret that step for a second.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Kids. I've known that's what I wanted since I was eight years old.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

Even if it were possible, I still would not prefer to have any kids.

First off, I haven't even been a "proper adult", and probably would never be. How can I be expected to raise a child with the care and love they deserve when I don't even have my life sorted out? Even if you argue that I'd have to change once having a child, I've also seen people fail to change even after having children they swore they loved even more than their own life.

Secondly, we've already got enough people that are unwanted and abandoned. Why not take better care of people we already have now?

Lastly, parenting is a huge commitment. It's not just about you and your "legacy", but another life that will suffer for your mistakes. For those who are up to the task and willingly take on the responsibility, thank you and best of luck!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I don’t have kids of my own, but through my time with my step-kids, I’ve learned I would’ve loved to have one or two. I totally understand people who don’t want kids. They can be a huge, expensive hassle. But I feel like I’ve gotten so much more back from them than it ever cost me. Plus they gave me this cup that I drink from every morning.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

No. I hate to live, my country and this entire world. Plus, there’s no future for humanity. I don’t want my children to feel this way.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

No thank you, no kids.

I like my freedom and that it is quiet.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

I was well into my 40's when my kid was born, so I've had it both ways. I vastly prefer the kid. Yes it sucks to not being able to do some stuff on occasion. It even sucks more that my parents are gone so I have a real hard time finding babysitters. But I just love the little one so damn much!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I've known since I was young that I don't want any. This was only reinforced after I adopted a kitten last year, regretted it to the point of depression after about 2 months, and adopted him off to someone else who I trust. I realised I absolutely don't ever want that kind of responsibility again so a human life would be infinitely worse of an idea. this is on top of terrible genetic health issues that I wouldn't want to force onto another existence.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I always wanted children. Damn near every major life choice has been fueled by that. Took a job I knew I wouldn't be happy at, but could be successful at to provide a better life. Yhe cars I've bought the safety rating for kids was to priority followed by reliability. The house I bought is within walking distance of every grade school, and the basement could easily be setup for a hangout spot for the teen years, oh and a good sized backyard for playing. One of the reasons I stayed at this job is I'm at max PTO and they actually offer paternity leave! I always make mental notes of fun places for kids so I could take them. When they were younger, and I was still considered cool, my niece and nephew wanted to move in with me πŸ˜†.

Just never met the right lady.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

No biological kids. In my opinion, there is no reason to produce biological children when there already are millions of parentless, unloved children in foster homes.

That being said, some days I yearn to take care of a child - to know I have given an existing being the opportunity to a better life.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

No, absolutely not. At least, certainly none of my own, even if I were capable of it... I don't really see the point in procreating with the world on such a catastrophic trajectory. On the other hand, if I find myself in a situation where I have a home and resources to share, and some unfortunate already-existing kids need those things, I'd certainly offer them a place. That would be just as true for non-kids though, so I dunno how much of a "parent" that'd really make me.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

No kids.

I don't want any more stress, and I don't like kids anyway. Plus the idea of bringing someone else in this world... I want to die, why would I cause living to someone else?

And even if my views do change in the future, I'd rather go for adoption. Not only would I not create more life, but I could perhaps give someone a better chance.
I don't really understand the appeal of your kids being blood-related anyway. What's the point?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I've never really felt the urge to have kids. Plus it saves on resources and finances. I have nephews and nieces already and that's good enough for me. I'm at the point where some of my friends are having kids. Others aren't. I love being an uncle.

In any case, it depends on how much you as an individual want to have kids. For me, it just didn't add up. My wife and I both don't want them. We both work and want to retire as early as possible.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

No kids, ever. I can hardly take care of myself, can't even be trusted with a plant, and I find them disgusting. Who will care for me when I am old? I have worked long and hard with the elderly, and knowing how many of them were abandoned by their families, it is easy to see that my odds are better investing the money I would use to raise a child, in a retirement fund instead.

But with how broke I am, I am not even getting to do the retirement fund thing, so yay. Glad I didn't let an ex change my mind when I was earning a lot back in the day, because those jobs got "optimized" and outsourced.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I'm a parent, and we made the conscious decision to become parents. That said, I can fully understand people who don't want to have that responsibility. It can be exhausting and thankless, changing almost everything with your life, hobbies and habits.

On the other side of the coin, the depth of love you feel as a parent is impossible to describe. With that comes a set of incredible feelings, watching your children experience, learn and grow.

Basically, parenthood is almost completely thankless, but I wouldn't give it up for the world.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

I've known from a pretty early age that I never want kids. Don't get me wrong, I actually love kids. At social events I'll often be the one entertaining them, and I can't wait for my friends to start having kids so I can be the cool & fun babysitter.

However, kids are dreadful roommates, I'd be a horrible parent, I don't want to bring a living being into this cruel world (especially with climate change), I'm too poor for children, and, being non-binary, parenthood just seems so tied down to gender norms I don't adhere to.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I often feel like the odd one out in this conversation because I feel like I'm the only person with no strong feelings one way or the other. Like I could be totally okay with never having kids, but also fine with having kids.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

Have seen both sides of the fence on this.

Met my first wife when I was in my 20s, she was a bit older, already divorced with kids. We were together for over 10 years, and one of her sons lived with us off and on during his teenage years. We enjoyed all the benefits of a childless existence - disposable income, freedom to do whatever we wanted evenings/weekends, etc, etc.

Eventually our marriage broke down. The reasons for it are entirely unrelated to us not having kids, but we were definitely not destined to be together for the rest of our lives.

About a year or so later I met an incredible woman, and I truly learned what it meant to have a soulmate. We were awesome together. She already had two young kids - 6yo and 9yo - and, a year or so later again, we had our own baby girl. We married a couple of years after that.

We now have a family that includes an amazing 21yo woman, a fabulous 18yo fella, and a beautiful 10yo daughter. My life is complete and I can't imagine it without any of them in it.

When you know, you know.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

This is a complicated question. I hate kids. Multiple. They are loud, dumb. But when there's only one kid, I actually really like interacting with them! It's so much fun to forget who I am for a moment and play games with a kid! I love teaching new things to them and seeing them try them out.

I will only "have" a kid when the conditions are ideal. That being, finacially stable and away from my family. I do not want them to corrupt the kid's mind with their religion bullshit. A partner for me is not neccesary. I also plan on adopting a kid rather than making one. Infant or a kid? I'm uncertain.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

I wish I could, but given the condition I'm in - soon-to-be 24, unemployed, mentally poor, no heirloom, no inheritance, no labor laws, high levels of pollution - these aren't ideal conditions for a child.

I've also never courted a woman before - I can probably not, because it is my intrinsic bias that I won't have anything to provide from my end, and that I don't want it to be one-sided, and also because personal circumstances - abusive family, you know.

I don't want another cog to this exploitative capitalist machine. I guess I'm just unlucky, but hopefully, this suffering ends with me. This makes me feel a little sad, but I don't want to be selfish.

And no, I'm not taking care of adopted kids. There's barely a few rupees in my account. Worst case possible, I want save it for the endgame.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

There would have to be some dramatic changes in the world socially and politically before I'll feel even remotely comfortable having kids. Also my finances would need to change.

And my family also has some genetic issues I'd rather not pass on.

Adoption is an option, but I'm pretty sure I don't even want one in the first place. When I was younger I thought having kids seemed like a sucker's game. My opinion has softened on that a bit, but it's still difficult to imagine actually wanting children.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

No kids, I like peace and quiet and I would be a terrible father.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Kids.

Nothing comes close to how difficult it is. It takes everything.

Nothing comes close to how amazing it is, and I mean nothing! It’s fantastic, rewarding in so many ways, it even develops your character.

I didn’t know I wanted them.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

I don't have time for this, also every persons i know see their health being ruined giving birth. So thanks but no, My health is more important.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

I have one kid and it's one of the best things so far life has dished out for me. I love him so much and he's so much fun. I know one kid is my limit though. Enjoy!

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